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Mistakes We Make #11 & Vicki Talks Writing on TV Tonight

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Note: Vicki will be appearing on WSRE (PBS) tonight at 7 PM talking about writing.

ATTENTION READERS AND THOSE BUYING BOOKS TODAY

CODE #: 18391243

If you are buying books at Barnes & Noble online

or in the store today,

please use the code number above.

BN will send a portion of the net proceeds to

Edge Elementary School.

It costs you nothing,

it can provide the resources

to really help the little ones attending this school.

Blessings,

Vicki

Edge Tigers

Stork Alert!

The stork has landed...

I'll be out a few days! :)

Blessings,

Vicki

Important Note

Effective today, I will be posting my blogs on my website as follows:

Writing: Craft, Art, Business and Life: My Kitchen Table

Spirituality: Faith Zone

The "Vicki Hinze on Writing" blog will be incorporated into the MY KITCHEN TABLE blog.

The website url, should you have link challenges or desire to paste into your browser is:

http://www.vickihinze.com

Blessings,

Vicki

P.S. If you're viewing this via reader, you'll need to visit the www.vickihinze.com website to view any updates.

I apologize for any inconvenience, but I'm paddling as hard as I can, and I just can't keep up, so I'm having to consolidate where and when possible. Appreciate your understanding.

For your convenience, I will still notify you of new posts here.

Vicki Hinze
www.vickihinze.com

TAGS: Vicki Hinze, hinze blog, CREATIVE WRITING, feature article, writing craft, books, novels, readers, authors, emerald coast writers, novelists, booksellers, book reviewers, everyday woman radio, romance writers, thriller writers, suspense writers

Take a Step...

Stealing Religion

This one of those “can you believe it” days.

In the news this morning, there’s a report on a thief that has me shaking my head and wondering, “What is s/he thinking?”

Stealing isn’t a novelty; unfortunately, it happens with monotonous regularity. So what made this theft, or this thief, noteworthy?

The objects stolen. A nativity scene from a family’s front yard. Statues of Mary and Joseph and more. Not only did the thief steal these things, s/he also trashed other items in the family’s display--including bells and trees.

People have fought wars over religion throughout recorded history. They’ve corrupted religion, and hidden behind it when it suited them. They’ve committed all manner of crimes to all manner of people and dragged religion into it to justify their actions, regardless of how inappropriate or insincere they were in citing them. We’ve seen these type actions often--Saddam Hussein is a prime example, and there are many, many others.

It makes one wonder how a thief can twist and rationalize his/her actions to make stealing, much less stealing these types of things, acceptable.

The majority of us find stealing morally repugnant. We find stealing religious symbols representative of significant events to the owners even worse. Our disdain is palpable, our empathy with the targeted family engaged.

And then we learn that this family suffered this flagrant violation not once but twice. In a single week.

Twice they’ve been violated, had their boundaries trespassed upon and their property stolen. Twice the thief or thieves had no regard for the family. And twice the family was left with the rubble in their yard and with the task of cleaning up the mess the thief/thieves had left behind.

As I think of this family this morning, I wonder if they’ll build their display again--a third time. I hope that they do--and that they consider using electric fencing materials. A little shock could make a would-be thief stop and think. A shame that’s legally considered entrapment when it could spare a soul.

And I find my thoughts veering to the thief and, for the life of me, I can’t imagine how s/he has justified to him- or herself these actions. Stealing a religious display. It’s as warped as stealing religion itself. Will s/he recall the theft with each glance at the stolen nativity scene? What sickening baggage will s/he attach to the theft? Will s/he even grasp the magnanimity of what s/he’s done to him/herself?

You know, the sad truth is s/he probably will not. Anyone twisted enough to highjack religious displays is likely too twisted to know the truth when it’s staring them in the face.

Which is not to say that there won’t come a time when the scales are lifted from the eyes and the thief sees his/her true self with all the veneer stripped away. The truth shall set you free, right?

But first it’ll be a long look into a harsh mirror in which nothing is hidden and all that is true is exposed. Then the thief will learn the penalty of his/her actions, and then s/he will suffer the utmost consequences. Because in the very symbols stolen are promises that remain intact: you reap what you sow. And from that, the thief cannot hide.

I wonder. When the thief sows, feels the full weight of the consequences of his/her actions, how will s/he feel about stealing then? Because the truth is, the thief(s) might have stolen and damaged and destroyed that family’s property. But s/he did far more lasting damage to him/herself. The kind self-inflicted that requires far more than mere repayment to be satisfied. It requires forgiveness, and that requires divine grace.

Do you think, stealing a nativity, that this thief will have the courage to ask for divine grace?

Only s/he can answer that. But one thing is certain, while the family returns to its life of joy and peace, the thief or thieves will experience the absence of joy and/or peace and will experience the question being called over and again--in a year, five years, twenty or thirty years--until s/he does answer.

Knowing that, one has to ask: In stealing, who--the family or the thief--has and will suffer the greatest loss?

Blessings,

Vicki

P.S. After completing this post, I googled the article title “Christmas Vandals hit again.”
There were over 41,000 related stories...

Failing Your Way to Success

"Fearlessness may be a gift but perhaps more precious is the courage acquired through endeavour, courage that comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate one's actions."
-- Aung San Suu Kyi

No less than three times in as many days have I had a writer tell me:

1. She was afraid to submit her work because as soon as she did, she’d read a group of things she’d done wrong and wish she hadn’t and she couldn’t be sure she was ready.

2. He hadn’t submitted his work because he didn’t think he could stand getting back a rejection.

3. She submitted her work and then contacted the individual and pulled the submission.

If as a writer, you’re waiting for a time to come when you don’t see changes you need to make or ones you wish you’d made AFTER the submission, consider your experience an oddity. Epiphanies have a way of sneaking in and zapping us after the fact. Recognize that it’s normal and happens more often than not. Note it and when the opportunity arises, edit and incorporate.

As a writer, you continually seek to grow and master your craft. Because you do, you will encounter this challenge--and if you aren’t, you’re either very, very lucky or you’re not studying craft and continuing to grow. Warning: that leads to stagnation, and stagnant things die!

I’ve been in this business nineteen years and I don’t think I’ve ever been sure a project was ready to submit. Yes, I know I love them. Yes, I do allow them to cool to make sure what I think is conveyed on the page is conveyed on the page. Yes, I do strive to submit only my best work. And I have enjoyed many bubbles in the gut that shout, “oh, this is strong. This really works.” But to feel that there is nothing--not one word--that could be changed to make the work stronger?

If I ever get there, believe me, I’ll be broadcasting it, so you’ll know. So far, this has escaped me. Which is one of the best reasons to solicit outside readers. It’s true that many projects are submitted too soon--before they’re polished and splendidly shine. By having a couple others read the work and getting their reactions, you will get a cross-section of responses.

Vary these readers. One who loves to read this type book. One who is familiar with the subject matter in the book. One who is sharp on writing craft and construction and novel structure and characterization and mechanics. Barter. I’ll read and comment if you’ll read and comment (with another writer).

On rejection. Understand that if you’re a writer, you will be rejected. Not you, the person. Your work. Accept it and then press on. I know only two writers who haven’t received--and I mean all during their career no matter how high up on the career ladder they’ve gotten--rejections. And both have multiple readings and edits before their work is ever submitted. I know no one who has penned the perfect book.

This is why we create and then edit and edit and edit. We’re striving for the best we’re capable of producing at the time. Then we have others read and we shove (or smother) our egos, hear and listen to what they have to say. What we agree best serves the story, we incorporate. Only what we agree best serves the story do we incorporate.

Often agents ask for revisions. Then editors suggest revisions. Then copyeditors ask for more. Often more than once!

So do strive for perfection, but don’t expect that your perfection is perfect. Others will see things you miss. Know things you don’t know. Catch mistakes that save the book, save your backside, and sometimes they’ll save your hair--spare you from pulling it out by the roots in frustration.

Develop rhino hide, understand that revision recommendations are given for a single purpose: to strengthen the book. Everyone involved in the process (and no one more than the author) wants the strongest book possible.

Rejection might not be about the work, but about what best sells to the readers. Marketability. List balance. Suitability. House focus and/or direction. A million other things. The point: it’s not about you. And it might not be about the work. It might be connected to strengthening the salability of the book.

Writers get rejections. That’s what happens when they submit, stretch and grow and experiment and make all manner of effort. This is not a bad thing and it rarely has spit to do with the author so it should never be taken personally.

There are times and situations in which a writer pulls a submission. Shoot, there are times when an author contracts a book and then buys the book back. But this isn’t something you want to do or something you do without considering all aspects of it and the consequences. Tread lightly.

Remember, first impressions are just that. One-shot deals. You don’t get a second chance. So if you must pull a submission, make sure it’s for an excellent reason and that you don’t make a habit of it. And be wary of the second-guessing trap. It’s easy to talk yourself into thinking something is awful and unfit--especially if it’s a purpose-driven novel. If you must do this, be extremely judicious. And it goes without saying to do all you can to make sure you’re ready to submit before you do so initially.

It takes courage to put yourself out there. If you do so with a realistic view on potential, then you’re in a far better position to cope with the results. Understand what rejection is and isn’t. Understand that continued grow nearly promises you’ll have post-submission epiphanies. And understand that the best way to avoid having to pull a submission is by doing the necessary work and expending the effort before submitting.

Blessings,

Vicki

©2007, Vicki Hinze

Return to Vicki’s main web site
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MISTAKES WE MAKE: PART 13

We now know the things we need:
1. A positive environment. (Mistakes We Make, Part 8)
2. To detach. (Mistakes We Make, Part 9)
3. To attract. (Mistakes We Make, Part 10)
4. Nurturing. (Mistakes We Make, Part 11)
5. Forgiveness. (Mistakes We Make, Part 12)

But we are not islands, and we are all subject to outside influences. Those influences can be productive or destructive, positive or negative. They can assist or hinder. What they do is up to us. We choose.

And if I’m hammering on that--we choose--in this series, it’s because so often I hear that past experience, circumstance has had a disproportionate amount of influence and impact on lives and the individuals fall to blaming those things and ignoring the fact that at junctures they made choices and those choices and not the influence is the reason they stand where they do today--emotionally and spiritually as well as physically.

So we choose how much and in what ways outside influences impact us. And knowing it is cues us to be above all discerning.

Mistakes are like opinions. Everybody’s got one. We can listen to everyone--and broadmindedness can be a whale of an asset so it is wise to listen to what others have to say. In doing so, we can gain wisdom from their challenges, experiences, from what they’ve learned. BUT that doesn’t mean that we listen and act on all we hear.

We listen, we process this new information or insight, we view it in relation to ourselves--our lives and beliefs and goals and, well, the entire package that comprises us. And we take the good that can come from that information/insight and incorporate it into our lives. But what doesn’t fit, isn’t in harmony with the whole of us, we do not take in. We don’t accept that portion or outside influence.

An example. We have a dream, goal or interest. Someone comes along and stomps it. And we let them. We back up or off and divert, no longer pursue that dream, goal or interest because we allow the stomper to convince us that this is what we should do. And when we take in that outside influence and let it alter our course, then we blame the stomper for the death of our dream.

Wait a second. What is wrong with this picture? We have shifted blame, responsibility for OUR actions to the stomper. We’ve taken US out of it. We have given the power of our decisions to direct our lives (for which we are accountable) to someone else.

This raises a number of questions, doesn’t it? Why do we do that? Why do we trust someone else’s judgment more than our own about OUR lives and OUR dreams? Why do we let this stomper drive our boat when we are the only person who has the blooming map? Of course, when we do this, then become lost at sea--because we’re following someone else’s path and not our own--we complain. And we blame the stomper.

Well, the truth is that it’s nice to be free from responsibility. But none of us are. It’s easier on our egos, our esteem, our hearts to have someone else to blame. But when we do it, we’re wrong: another mistake. It makes us feel better about ourselves to be able to justify our actions/inactions fault-free. But honestly, we’re not fault free. Not as adults.

As kids, some things happen to us that we can’t control. As adults, some things do, too. But the list is a lot shorter and we have to delude ourselves in that justification to pretend otherwise.

As kids, parents or other authority figures influence us and shape our thoughts. But as we mature, we start to shape and define ourselves. We choose what influences to keep and which ones to toss. We redefine old influences to better fit us. We are constantly growing and changing as a result of our own experiences and those of others. And we grasp that we are not the people we were, we are the people we’ve become. Who we have become, and will become in the future, is our choice. As adults, we are not free from outside influence but we are free to accept or reject the tenets of them.

What we take into our lives and make a part of it shapes our reality and that largely shapes our experiences. Using our judgment, trusting our instincts, understanding that outer influences can be powerful and potent and convincing and still be dead wrong for us is critical to our personal growth and attainment of the things we wish to attain in our lives.

Everything is not someone else’s fault. Everything good or bad or even indifferent. Our dreams and goals and interests and the discipline and dedication we exhibit in pursuing them is our responsibility. Our boat is ours to drive. And if we allow someone else--anyone else--to drive it, we are still at the helm and owner of the boat. And if we get lost or stomped hard, we do have a responsibility for it. Yes, we can be deceived. Yes, we can be used and abused. Yes, bad things can happen in which we have no control.

But in those things where we do have influence and make choices, we can’t spare ourselves our part in situations where we don’t like our positions. We can’t just toss the blame at someone else’s feet and absolve ourselves. We make choices, we make calls, we take the glory or the hits.

And because we do, we grow. We alter our experience and gain wisdom. We understand our errors because we’ve taken off the rose-colored glasses and viewed the results with clarity if not with enthusiasm. We’re better for it--and we make better decisions in the future. Ones that best serve us.

We’ve all known people who have experienced difficult times and made poor decisions. We’ve all known people who consider themselves victims of their past and readily accept outside influence because they don’t trust their own and they want absolution from accountability. And people who make poor decisions and work really hard to justify them and rationalize to make those decisions seem logical, sound and wise. At times, we’ve all been that person.

But with effort and discernment, we mature and grow and accept that we’re not perfect and we are going to make mistakes. And when we do, we own them. We take responsibility for the mistake, the fallout; our actions, ourselves. We determine to try to do better next and not make that same mistake again. And then we press on.

Sometimes we’re successful. Sometimes we’re not. But once we own our errors, we’re never lost to that same starting line we were at in the beginning. We’ve progressed, advanced. And in being honest with ourselves, open to outside influence but discerning on what we adopt--accept or reject--we’re increasing the likelihood of having to endure as many repeat errors. Errors that take our time and focus away from new experiences.

Some outside influencers--many we deeply respect--insist we must do things their way because it is the only right or successful way. If this influencer has been successful taking a specific road, we can see why they’d insist that, and we might even be tempted to agree blindly. But we should not.

A lifetime of experiences and personal growth and choices made that person exactly who they were when they walked that path. And that path existed then. Things change. So what was right then could be wrong now. Or wrong for us. Or perhaps not even wrong, just not the best path for us to take.

That’s where our judgment comes in and our need to discern to determine conditions then and now and our wisest course of action. Of course, our own internal influences will be mixing it up in there, exerting their desires and we need to stay aware of that, as well.

There are many roads one can travel to the same destination. One of the challenges I have seen too often is where a person chooses a path outside the box because it makes him or her feel empowered and more in control and not because taking the path that’s outside the box is the best path to take. When that happens, it’s just another form of personal rebellion against the person’s life. Rebelling for the sake of rebelling requires a lot of energy for little return. The person isn’t better or worse off being outside rather than inside the box. So what they end up with is being different. Different carries its own challenges. Yet we must remember that empowerment/control the person gains by being outside the box. It holds value to that person. While it might be more beneficial to deal with the issues requiring it, put them in their rightful place and move forward without them, sometimes that’s easier said than done. Some lack the strength or will to do it. And some just aren’t yet ready to do so.

My point in sharing that is to caution against judging others’ paths. We might see well someone is about to make a mistake that will cost them dearly. But unless advice is sought and then shared, and unless that person chooses to take that advice, the advisor must recall that the individual seeker will bear the brunt and responsibility for the decision made and it should be his or hers. You might know it’s going to cause pain or challenges. You might share that with this individual. But presenting the opportunity to gain that insight is where your involvement ends. The decision isn’t yours and since you can’t literally crawl into someone else’s skin and know all of the thousands of details that lead him or her to decide what s/he has, you shouldn’t judge.

Honestly, we have enough to deal with in ourselves.

When I was about to become a parent for the first time, my dad and I were talking. He said he’d made some mistakes in parenting and went on to list them. I said, “I’m going to try really hard not to make those same mistakes.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry, you won’t. You’ll make different ones.”

He was right. :)

And I guess that’s the bottom line on mistakes. We will make them. We can learn from others’ and avoid making some they made. But we will make others.

We can’t expect that we won’t err. We can expect that when we make mistakes, we will cope far better with them and the fallout they create if we face them openly and constructively.

I hope that in some small way this series has shared tools that do that.

Blessings,

Vicki

Vicki Hinze
©2007, Vicki Hinze

MISTAKES WE MAKE: PART 12

(Click HERE to return to Vicki Hinze’s main writing web site. )

KNOWING WHAT WE NEED #5

FORGIVENESS

We all make mistakes. Some are well-intentioned, some are self-serving, some are rooted in skewed or faulty logic, some are rooted in emotion, which also can be skewed or faulty.
And we’re human, so we focus on what is uppermost in our minds.

We’ve heard all the reasons why we should forgive, why it’s in our own best interests, and yet because some offenses inflict pain, push our triggers, we are hesitant or reluctant to do so. This is true when it comes to forgiving others, but equally true and sometimes even more so when it comes to forgiving ourselves.

In the spirit of true forgiveness, we often interpret that to mean that we “forgive and forget” and that leaves us open to that person hurting us or pushing our triggers or causing us further, future pain and challenges. Few of us are eager to embrace that, which raises the question of whether or not we can truly forgive.

I believe we can forgive, but we don’t forget. If we do forget, then we are subject to repeat performances. The stove is hot. We touch it, we get burned. We respect the heat, are grateful for it--its part in our nourishment to sustain life is important and worthy of gratitude. But that does not mean that we touch the hot stove and burn our hands again intentionally. We learn from our experience. We forgive transgressions, but we honor the lesson in the learning to prevent ourselves from being burned again.

Does that mean we shut ourselves off emotionally and physically? Perhaps, but more likely only in part. There are people in my life with whom I don’t associate because they are deliberately destructive, hurtful people. Yet I pray for them every day. Is that harboring a grudge? No. Does it reflect a lack of forgiveness? No, there is still an investment. Why is that necessary? Because I believe that we are all connected, all one, and what you do to others you do to yourself.

Where we get into quagmires that are more difficult to resolve are in those mistakes for which we do not forgive ourselves. We are pros at chewing over our mistakes until wads are wisps and then we store those wisps deep in our hearts and subconscious minds and every time we catch a whiff of anything that remotely pertains, we pull them out and chew ourselves up again. We neither forgive nor forget, and that is a huge disservice to us.

Our mistakes are our mistakes. We own them. That doesn’t mean we have to let them control our lives and chastise ourselves for the rest of our lives because we made them. It doesn’t mean that what we’ve done isn’t worthy of forgiveness--regardless of what the mistake happened to be. Yet we engage in downing ourselves and tainting everything good in us by our own condemnation. How is that helpful? Constructive? What good purpose is served?

The more we batter ourselves, the more unworthy of forgiveness we feel. And that just sends us sliding deeper into a pit that we must struggle to crawl out of. We know all about those pits. We know the toll they take on everything associated with us--our view of ourselves, our relationships with others, our sense of value and worth and our place in the world.

I’m not saying to ignore your responsibility for your actions. We are all accountable. I am saying that when you screw up, acknowledge it, accept it, own it, do what you can to correct any damage done to others and to yourself, and then forgive yourself. When you do, then you put the mistake in its rightful place in your past. You remember it, you take the wisdom gleaned from the experience forward with you, and then you press on, moving forward and looking forward.

Remember Joel Osteen’s comment about there being a reason the rearview mirror is small and the windshield is large? We need to focus on what is ahead to meet our potential, to serve our purpose. If we’re always looking back, that just can’t happen, and what we have done is effectively halt our progression. Why? Because if we’re focused on the past, then we’re not watching the path ahead. Now imagine you’re driving a car and you’re not watching the road. What is going to happen? What is inevitable?

You’re going to hit a ditch, miss a turn, collide with a fence, another vehicle, a lightpost, a parked car, or any of a thousand other things. You can call them accidents. Or you can call them mistakes.

I heard a discussion by Scientist Gregg Braden (THE GOD CODE) that can give us aid on forgiving ourselves. In a recent discovery, it has been learned that the DNA in every cell in every organism carries symbols that translate to ancient language text. When that text is translated, it literally says: “God eternal within the body.”

Think about that for a second. This message is coded in your DNA in every single cell in your body. Every single cell--no exceptions.

We’ve all heard a gazillion times from a gazillion resources that God is love. So what we’ve got is that love is eternal within the body. And isn’t love the key ingredient necessary for forgiveness? Love yourself, forgive yourself.

The principle is a simple one. We fight it, we argue and debate it--and we all know that those internal debates are a thousand times stronger than any outer debate could possibly be--and we deny it. But the truth remains--undaunted. It’s right there, as it has been our entire lives, so much a part of us it’s coded in our DNA, in our every cell.

And when we accept that and implement forgiveness what we discover is that the act is empowering.

Sometimes we harness that power and use it to create wonderful, wondrous things. Sometimes we forfeit it to outside influences. That will be the topic in Part 13 of Mistakes We Make.

Blessings,

Vicki

©2007, Vicki Hinze


(Click HERE to return to Vicki Hinze’s main writing web site. )